tiefpunkt

Hi party folks!

No, I’m not in Australia anymore, and I’m sorry for writing this in English, but it seems like that’s the way my mind want to work right now. A lot of things have happened since the last post right here, but this is not the time and place to go through that all.

I just felt the need to write something, and surprisingly, this need hasn’t been diminished by the troubles to log back into this blog thing again. Maybe I had just sat up a few security hurdles too much (is that even possible on the web?). I’m not quite sure whether this is a good idea, since it feels like it’s going to be much of a stream of consciousness thing, but hey, what could  possibly go wrong…

I’m a bit exhausted right now. There has been a lot going on in the past few days and weeks, plus just the standard craziness this time of year seems to bring with itself. The makerspace (or hackerspace if you like) I co-founded, and still „lead“ as president of the board, is being kicked out of its current space. And while me and I guess quite a few others are rather pissed at Mr. Landlord about the way this has happened, we seem to have a grip on turning it around for the better at the moment. But this whole thing has forced me to think about what my vision for that space is, and also what I personally really want to get out of it. This space has been a shit ton of work and the source of a lot of frustration for me, while at the same time being very inspirational and motivating at other times as well. It just seems to get harder to keep those two sides in balance. There’s always the tiny thought of not going for another year of being member of the board, but being one of two more-or-less solid pillars (in a personal sense) the space had been run on for the last three years, and this whole operation still feeling like „my baby“, it’s not an easy decision for me to make. Even though I see the latter becoming weaker and weaker as an argument, which in a way might be a good thing.

This moving thing we now have to do provides us with a chance, but also with a bunch of risks. Participation for „a greater good“ hasn’t exactly been great, at least from my point of view, and this is something that eats me up a bit. For the most part, I feel like I have been holding my personal projects back in order to get the space and the idea behind it to move forward. But it also feels like there’s only a small handful of people who have a similar mindset. To make matters worse, things had been going surprisingly smoothly for a few weeks before receiving our 3 months notice, which had allow me to finally get some personal projects to move forward, but the „shit came crushing down again“, and it feels like I’m back to zero on that front.

And today, I once more spent endless hours dealing with organisational issues, in ways that got me thinking more than once about whether I should really be doing this. There are some high hopes that we can get this thing to work out, which could turn out really great, but will once more take up a lot of personal effort from people, and I have a feeling it’s going to be the same handful as usual. And once more, it’ll mean the personal stuff moves to the back of the todo list again. For the greater good.

There’s no real takeaway from these thoughts for me yet. Maybe there is in less than 24 hours, we’ll see. It just feels good to have these thoughts written down. Thanks.